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Updates Wednesday and Saturday at 8:30 PM EST
[Unichat log --]

(12:55)Arbiter: I'm about to report, so if anyone wants to do a Pancake impression this is a good opportunity.

(12:55)Turquoise: Report!

(12:55)Arbiter: Thank you!

(12:56)Arbiter: So, first of all, Rasputin is evil. I didn't think that counted as news, but apparently it does. World-dominating cult leaders are generally not the greatest people, even if they are delightfully snarky and a member of the best authoritarian OTP since Trump and Putin.

(12:56)Seabiscuit: ;^;

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(12:56)Xenocartographer: So, 1), friendly reminder that I can totally see your messages here. And 2), -snerk-

/message reply Oh [censored] off.

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(12:57)Xenocartographer: Up the model village?

(12:57)Arbiter: It's confirmed. He agreed to Delta's request to help Pancake blow Australia up. He didn't put any shatterpoint protection on it, which is good, but knowing that someone with that much knowledge of how Gaia works is involved still makes me worry about the Anarchon ploy.

(12:58)Seabiscuit: I think it's clear that, at least, he does oppose Pancake- Right?

/message reply Exactly.

(12:58)SansFinalGuardian: i guess so

(12:58)Seabiscuit: So why is he helping Delta explode Australia, isn't that what Pancake wants? Doesn't that help him?

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(12:58)Xenocartographer: That was a risky move, you know. Doing something like that to poor Stargazer, not knowing what could come of it...

/message reply ...

(12:58)Arbiter: I don't know. Maybe he's not as benevolent as you think, Lieutenant.

(12:59)Seabiscuit: :(

/message Seabiscuit By the way, it probably didn't come across in my message but I actually am sorry that Rasputin didn't turn out to be the person you thought he was. You must feel pretty betrayed.

/message Seabiscuit You've probably had to deal with that feeling of betrayal more than the rest of us, and it must be very difficult. I want you to know that I sympathize.

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(12:59)Xenocartographer: You're an unnecessary risk taker, that's what you are.

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:00)Seabiscuit: Aww, thank you! B-but... I think there's way more going on here than meets the eye- I don't think he's a true villain, despite some of his... less savory moves

(13:01)Arbiter: In other unsurprising news, everyone who's anyone has at least a passing knowledge of who we are. MrE knows, General "Ambidex" TheButcher knows, Pancake's starting to set up countermeasures against us and apparently Rasputin and Vampire have some sort of plan involving us underway. Or so the little tidbit of chatlog that Her Supreme Burgundiness so graciously shared with us would suggest.

/message Xenocartographer You're a maroon tyrant.

/message Seabiscuit How do you think that works?

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(13:01)Xenocartographer: And you're a heathen traitor.

/message reply Fascist.

(13:02)Ravencorp: I want to know more about that. Maybe... Maybe Seabiscuit could talk to them about it.

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(13:02)Xenocartographer: Hag.

(13:03)Arbiter: One thing at a time, please. I have about as long as an attention span as my uncle Cletus.

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:03)Seabiscuit: What if Australia is doomed no matter what, and Rasputins moves here are for something important in the long run?

(13:03)Seabiscuit: Uncle Cletus -snerk-

/message Xenocartographer Wannabe dictator.

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(13:04)Xenocartographer: Short-sighted curmudgeon.

(13:04)Arbiter: I suppose it was inevitable that everyone would catch on sooner or later, especially since I've got about as much subtlety as my uncle Cletus has teeth, but I had hoped they wouldn't have been able to deal with it so quickly. The beans aren't just spilled at this point, the beanstalk's already up at the giant's house and he's getting his climbing gear on so he can fee-fi-fo-[censored] us up.

/message Seabiscuit How does that work? There are only so many continents you can murder before there's no length left to run.

/message Xenocartographer Uninspired hack of an author.

(13:06)Arbiter: Also, everyone seems convinced that I'm the leader of this group because I rebelled first and I'm super not into that because a. [censored] leaders in general and b. I have about as much leadership ability as my uncle Cletus has baths per year.

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:06)Seabiscuit: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

System: Incoming private message from user Xenocartographer:

(13:06)Xenocartographer: Okay, now that was uncalled for.

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:06)Seabiscuit: that's fair D:

(13:06)CONNECT_1200: Like it or not, you've been acting like it. We need a leader, Arby.

/message reply Am I finally getting through to you, you stupid [censored]?

(13:06)Arbiter: But it shouldn't be me. Does someone want to step up? Someone? Anyone?

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:06)Seabiscuit: D: ?

/message reply Oh my [censored] god, I am so sorry. That was meant to go to... your girlfriend. I'm not really helping my case here, am I?

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:07)Seabiscuit: -snerk-

(13:07)CONNECT_1200: Following anyone but you would feel wrong.

(13:07)SansFinalGuardian: ^

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:07)Seabiscuit: No gosh, I love her but she is trying to kill a lot of people D:

/message reply I'm really not good at these "positive, supportive friend" interactions. Or any interactions that don't involve finding new and creative ways to tell people to go [censored] themselves.

/message reply But I want you to know I'm happy we've got you on the team. And not just because it bugs Xeno.

(13:08)Arbiter: Okay, fine. How do we figure out what Rasputin's deal is?

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:08)Seabiscuit: Aww...

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:08)Seabiscuit: Okay, but

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:08)Seabiscuit: C- can I explain my thoughts on Rasputin?

/message reply Go ahead, I'm not the leader.

System: Incoming private message from user Seabiscuit:

(13:09)Seabiscuit: O- okay

(13:09)Seabiscuit: O- okay

(13:09)Seabiscuit: So I'm wondering if just, Rasputin feels like the universe is doomed (Gaia blah bnlahblah explode; in that one log where Delta tried to start a war Rasputin already sounded sure things were doneskies) so Australia doesn't really matter

(13:10)Seabiscuit: Orrrrr more likely

(13:10)Seabiscuit: Him interfering, whether he succeeds or not, has some kind of effect on Pancakes attempts at a merge?

(13:10)Seabiscuit: Maybe it's the attempt alone that'll [censored] things up, since he doesn't seem to be going all in

(13:11)Seabiscuit: Hmn.

(13:12)Seabiscuit: Do the ends justify the means, I guess?

(13:13)SansFinalGuardian: i think we're making this harder than it has to be

(13:13)SansFinalGuardian: i mean, it's rasputin

(13:13)SansFinalGuardian: what happens if we just ask?

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[Unichat auxiliary records --]
Xenocartographer (Official Note): AND THE FINALS HAVE BEEN SLAIN! Back to our regular update schedule!
In other news, if you look at the top of the page, you may see something new. That's right, folks, Unichat has a Discord server, because making a Unichat server for it is a little meta even for my tastes.
Seabiscuit: THE HOT FUZZ REFERENCES
I'm so proud of my Mapmaker I could tear up


Ah shit I laughed so much at the Xeno/Arbiter PMs, too, hahahaha.:'D

e: Also the PM screw up -snerk- edit delete reply
Arbiter: Oh god I love this page. I didn’t think the Xeno/Arbiter dynamic could get any funnier but then you made them start aggressively quoting Hot Fuzz at each other. You did a really good job of modifying my original message prompt so it didn’t just look like a solid wall of purple logorrhoea too, so congrats on that.

So you finished your finals? Lucky mapmaker. I have three in a row starting Saturday. :( edit delete reply
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